


You Won't

by Jane_Doe07



Category: Bellarke - Fandom, The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, The 100 - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-13 15:10:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14751245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jane_Doe07/pseuds/Jane_Doe07
Summary: He stared down at her."So you're asking me to let you go?"Clarke reached for his hand but stopped herself.  Whether it was shyness or uncertainty or something else entirely, she does not know, but touching him now- as much as she might wish too, as much as it might close this gap between them- feels like trespassing.Instead she wraps her arms around herself."I am asking you, to understand."She looked into his eyes, searching for just that, but found none.  Only pain and frustration look back at her.  Reluctantly, Clarke turned back towards the rover, her heart heavy.





	You Won't

**Author's Note:**

> Post 5.05, a confrontation between Clarke and Bellamy.

To Clarke's relief, it had been a sunny day.  The rover sat amongst the ruins of Polis, fully charged and ready for the long ride back to the valley.  It was time for them to go.  Madi was no longer safe with Wonkru and Clarke could suffer through the pain of leaving her friends once more if it meant keeping Madi out of harms way. 

"What do you think you're doing?"  A deep, oh so familiar voice came from behind her. 

Clarke sighs, but doesn't turn to face him, closing the pack in front of her instead, ignoring her suddenly unsteady hands. 

"You know what I'm doing, Bellamy,"  She replied.  She should have known he would discover her.  She wished he hadn't.  Clarke wasn't sure she was strong enough for this battle.  Not with him. 

"You can't seriously be thinking of leaving," his voice unwavering. 

Ahhh, there it is again.  The new, calm and collected Bellamy.  Really, she was so proud of the balanced and confident person Bellamy had become, but right now, on the precipice of another war, another impossible choice, she missed the old Bellamy.  Someone to commiserate and frustrate with over their current turmoil.  Although standing mere feet away, this Bellamy seemed so much more distant to her than the Bellamy she knew six years ago. 

"I'm not thinking about it, I _am_ leaving,"Clarke replied, "And I'm taking Madi with me."

She tossed the pack into the back of the rover, studying the inside to give her eyes something to do. 

"We're in the middle of a barren waste land.  Where is it you think you're going?"

Clarke exhales, the exhaustion of the past two weeks just barely being repressed. 

"Home,"  is all she can say to him. 

She hears the subtle sharp inhale at her response and feels Bellamy's eyes narrow on her.  He takes a step closer.   

"Clarke, you can't.  If Octavia finds out-"

"She won't," she rebuffed, not fully believing it but knowing that it's worth the risk all the same. 

"It's 150 miles across a desert," Bellamy tries again, his voice still stoic but verging on strained. 

"I've done it before," Clarke says truthfully, too tired for anything else. 

 

"You really think," Bellamy takes another, more tentative step closer.  His voice is quieter now, almost as if not to scare her away, "that Diyoza is just going to open her arms and welcome you back?  After you killed her men?  After she launched those missiles?  Come on Clarke."

Clarke fiddles with some wire on one of the solar panels, still unable to look at him, knowing it would only detract her. 

"Yes, there's risk.  But she's the one who called for peace, Bellamy.  Staying here is a bigger risk and one I'm not willing to take."

Bellamy exhales in frustration, his hands moving to his hips. 

"I think I deserve more of an explanation than that."

He was right.  He did deserve more.  Clarke hated not being on the same page as him.  It felt wrong and insincere and.... not what she wanted.  She looked up at Bellamy for the first time, letting her eyes find his and wishing so badly she didn't have to say goodbye to them. 

"I have to protect, Madi," she finally replied in a soft but determined voice.

"From what?  She won't be anywhere near the fighting."

"It's not about that."

"THEN WHAT!?" Bellamy ardently asked as he closes the distance between them, "Tell me what it's about!" 

Clarke turned her gaze to the rover, seeing the years of memories within. 

"The first time I met Madi, she tried to kill me," Clarke's eyes crinkled and a ghost of a smile cross her lips as she reminisces, "She lured me into a bear trap then nearly stabbed me.  I walked with a limp for a month," she gave a half hearted laugh.  When she looked back at Bellamy, he was watching her so intently it made her skin itch.  This was the most she had spoken about her life after praimfaya.  Clarke turned to face Bellamy, needing him to understand, needing to convey her struggle and her responsibility in a way that wouldn't leave him hating her when she left. 

"Madi wouldn't come near me for days, wouldn't talk to me for weeks.  She was so terrified that someone was coming to take her away, Bellamy.  I never met Madi's parents, but I know they did everything they could to keep their daughter safe, away from the conclave and the fleimkepas.  Since we've been here," Clarke gestured to their surroundings, the ruins, Polis, "Gaia and Octavia have done nothing but look at Madi like an object to be used.  If I stay, if I allow them to try and influence or manipulate her, it wouldn't just be putting her in danger, it would be going against everything her parents wanted for her."

Bellamy's face softened, flecks of emotion peaking through. 

"You think I would let anything happen to Madi?" 

Bellamy's immediate and sincere devotion to someone so precious to Clarke rips at her heart.  She can feel her strength and resolve weakening; emotions that were either neglected or pushed aside beginning to rise to the surface. 

"Of course not," her sad blue eyes looking into his warm brown ones, "But at some point, protecting Madi may mean going against your sister and, Bellamy........... I could never ask you to do that."

He stared down at her.

"So you're asking me to let you go?"

Clarke reached for his hand but stopped herself.  Whether it was shyness or uncertainty or something else entirely, she does not know, but touching him now- as much as she might wish too, as much as it might close this gap between them- feels like trespassing. 

Instead she wraps her arms around herself. 

"I am asking you, to understand."

She looked into his eyes, searching for just that, but found none.  Only pain and frustration look back at her.  Reluctantly, Clarke turned back towards the rover, her heart heavy. 

 

"I thought you were dead," Bellamy's voice rings in her ears, clear and loud.  Clarke stops, and closes her eyes.  She was not ready for this conversation, doesn't want it, can't bare it.  But Bellamy's voice persists.   

"I stood there, on the ring, staring down at the earth as it went up in flames, knowing- KNOWING- you could never have survived that."

His words were breaking her.  She hurt for Bellamy and his grief, and she hurt for herself; hearing how truly gone from his life she had been to him, while he had been a constant presence in hers.  If only he had heard her then-

 

"Six years and in all that time, I forgot how good you are at leaving."

 

Anger- sudden and sharp- hit Clarke.  She spun round.

"How can you say that to me!?"

"IT'S WHAT YOU DO, CLARKE!" He moved closer still, the calm and collected Bellamy gone, the veneer shattered, "At the gates of Camp Jaha, in Polis.  When things go wrong, you leave me.." Bellamy stopped, his lips quivering as he stared at her, in pain and anger, before realizing just what he had revealed.  He blinked away the emotion and continued, "...you leave me, to pick up the pieces."

If he affected her less, she would've kept her mouth shut.  If wasn't so desperate to both shake him and be held by him, she could've walked away. 

Alas. 

Clarke narrowed her gaze on the man in front of her. 

 

"If I remember correctly, Bellamy, it was _you_ who left _me_ the last time."

 

If she had slapped him across the face, the affect would've been the same. 

"Clarke-"

"But _I_ never hated you for that Bellamy," she continued, refusing to back down, no softness or comfort or remorse in her tone, "Because you did that to save people you care about.  That's all I'm trying to do now!"

Bellamy's face reared back but he didn't step away. 

" _Hate you_?  You think I hate you!?  Jesus, I don't hate you Clarke, I could never....." he swallows his words, closing his eyes in an attempt to regain some composure, "...I just don't understand how it can be so easy for you.  To just pick up and leave."

 He may have gained some composure, but Clarke had lost all of hers.  Tears pooled in her eyes, her voice coming out a half yell, half whimper. 

" _EASY!?"_   You think any of this has ever been easy for me!?  Do you think seeing the valley, my _home_ , the place where Madi grew up, get invaded and taken away from us was _easy??_ Or being so close to the bunker, my _MOTHER_ , but not being able to reach her was _easy??_ I moved pieces of rubble with my bare hands for days until they bled, before it almost collapsed on top of me.  I waited FOR SIX YEARS, not knowing whether you even made it to the ring alive! I stared at the sky everyday waiting for you to come back! Are all of these things _easy_   by your estimation Bellamy??"

Bellamy grabbed her by the shoulders,  ignoring the new and unspoken necessity to not touch each other, his face so close to hers she can feel his quickened breath across her cheek.

"Then why, damnit!  After all of that, why leave!?"  He looked almost wild and desperate. 

Clarke hung her head, her rage worn out, letting him take just a fraction of her weight as he still had a fierce grip on her shoulders.  She felt so defeated.  Even if she could make Bellamy understand the responsibility she had to Madi, she would still be facing the world alone, without him.  She hated that more than anything. 

Picking up the pieces of her scattered emotions, Clarke looked up at awaiting brown eyes.

"My mother is there, Bellamy.  And Diyoza may be ruthless, but you and I know she's not irrational.  With Octavia and Gaia circling....."  Her voice a soft plea," ...... I can't stay here." 

"And I can't...." Bellamy began.  His eyes full of sorrow but his jaw tense and clenched.  He exhaled and lowered his head, pressing his forehead to hers.  He closed his eyes, and for a moment, breathing her in.  Clarke didn't think she was breathing anymore though, but she could hear her heart, thumping loudly in her ears.  Being this close to him was going to destroy her. 

".....I can't lose you again," Bellamy whispered, finally finishing the sentence she already knew the ending to. 

Clarke's heart broke at his admission.  The tears returned and she had to bite her lip to keep them silent.  The world seemed to always be working against them.  She wished they had more time, and better luck.  She wished that she could form the words to make him understand just how much, how...paramount he was to her.  But as she lay a tentative hand on his heart, reveling in the connection but loathing it's soon departure, she could only whisper,

 

"You won't"

 

 Bellamy somehow melted closer to her in response.  Clarke's hand gripped at his shirt beneath it, a small, desperate action to keep him close. 

Alas. 

 

Bellamy inhaled, pulling his head away from hers, dropping his hold on her shoulders.  He didn't meet Clarke's eyes, looking past her, almost through her, instead. 

"Go at dusk.  I won't let Octavia come after you."   

Clarke didn't have a chance to reply before Bellamy's sweet, soft lips found her cheek. 

A moment. Maybe two. Before,

"May we meet again."

 

And without another look or word, Bellamy walked away from the rover, from Clarke.

With a heart torn apart by his words and her choices, with a voice hoarse from yelling, and with cheeks imprinted by tear stains and a moment of love, Clarke raised her head to the sky, and whispered,

"We will."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This did not come out quite as smooth as I'd prefer, but I really wanted to get it out there. All grammar and spelling mistakes are all mine as I am a crap editor. May make another one shot of a different version of this scene. Enjoy guys! :)


End file.
